From Fear to Fire: A Mini Guide for Board Members Who Dread Friendraising
Real stories. Gentle tools. A spark of belief.
You’re Not Alone
If you feel nervous—or even a bit queasy—at the thought of asking someone for money, you’re in good company. The truth is, most board members aren’t natural fundraisers.
Many of them, like you, care deeply. They’ve stepped up to lead. But when the word “fundraising” comes up, fear bubbles to the surface: What if I say the wrong thing? What if I get rejected? What if I’m just not cut out for this?
This short guide is for you. It’s full of real stories of board members who felt just like that—and moved from fear to fire. Plus, you’ll find a few gentle tools to help you build confidence without ever having to be someone you’re not.
Story 1: “I’ll do anything—except that.”
The reluctant lawyer.
One board member I worked with, a successful lawyer, was crystal clear:
“I’m happy to help with strategy or events. But please don’t ask me to ask anyone for money. It’s just not me.”
When the organisation hit a funding crisis, she stayed quiet. But at a retreat, we talked about what she could do—share the story of how she came to care.
A week later, she invited two old friends to coffee—not to ask for anything, just to share why she was involved. One of those friends gave $5,000.
Months later, she grinned and said,
“I still haven’t asked anyone. But turns out telling a good story works better anyway.”
Reflection Prompt:
What’s your story? Why do you care? Write it down in a few lines—like you’re telling a friend over coffee.
Story 2: “The moment I saw the kids…”
The quiet board member.
He never spoke in meetings. Sat near the back. Skipped donor events. But he had been quietly giving for years.
Then one day, the CEO invited him to visit a program site. On the way home, he didn’t say much. But the next board meeting, he raised his hand.
“I’d like to host a dinner. Nothing fancy—just six friends. I want them to see what I saw.”
He didn’t call it fundraising. But every person at that dinner ended up donating. Because he spoke from a place of truth.
He had become an ambassador.
Confidence Tool:
You don’t need to “pitch.” You need to witness.
What have you seen that moved you? How can you help someone else see it too?
Story 3: “Fundraising felt… sleazy.”
The uncomfortable executive.
This board member said it outright. Fundraising made her feel “awkward and transactional.”
So we talked about it differently.
“What if your role was to invite people into something good—not to get something from them?”
She started writing thank-you notes to donors after each campaign. She sent one to a first-time $100 donor. A month later, that person called her. They’d never had a board member thank them before. That donor gave $1,000 the following year.
“I realised I didn’t hate fundraising,” she told me.
“I just hated the idea of it. Once I saw it was about gratitude, it all changed.”
Reframe:
Fundraising isn’t asking for money.
It’s inviting someone to do something meaningful with their money.
It’s love in action.
Confidence-Building Tools
1. Three roles for board members
You don’t have to ask to be powerful in fundraising. Try one of these:
The Door Opener – Invite someone to an event or tour.
The Storyteller – Share why you care in your own words.
The Gratitude Giver – Call or write to thank a donor. That’s it.
2. “Why I Give” journal prompt
What first made me say yes to this organisation?
What do I hope the future looks like if we succeed?
What’s one moment that stayed with me?
3. Confidence Script (Use in emails or conversation)
“I’m not here to ask for anything today—I just wanted to share why this matters so much to me.”
That’s it. Let your story do the rest.
Final Thought
You don’t need to be fearless.
You just need to care—and be willing to share that care with someone else.
Because passion speaks. And generosity listens.